20 July 2005

Clean Passage

The United States government has introduced a new passport which takes advantage of RFID technology. A tiny, embedded chip provides customs officers with detailed information on its owner's identity, travel history, medical conditions, political preference, reading habits, psychiatric profile, voting history, and a full summary of all "patriot sins of thought or deed" committed since the last breach of national borders. Any time you travel abroad, an update is fed to a database at the DHS, in Washington DC.

This new passport is intended to weed out those with "paranoid delusions" regarding the intentions of The State. With such technology in place, these deviants can be easily apprehended and forced to wear those aluminum helmets that block the thought-purifying rays from the third moon of Stimpy...

ANYWAY: In a desperate attempt to foil their evil schemes, I PROMPTLY machine-washed my passport upon returning home from Alaska. Or should I say...it was discovered in a pocket after doing laundry. Needless to say, the new passport held up beautifully, albeit a bit more tattered than before the vacation. ecch.

What was that about paranoia?

"Paranoia means having all the facts."
--William S. Burroughs

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