Showing posts with label paranoia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paranoia. Show all posts

17 January 2008

Reality will be shattered quite soon.


How to destroy reality in three easy steps:

1. Write a post here at IntangibleArts (this very one, in fact), which links (right here, in fact) to a guest post I've written on the very awesome Prince of Petworth blog. (Many thanks to the good Prince, by the way.)

2. Above-mentioned guest post at PoP links back to IntangibleArts.

3. Follow the path of intersecting links and wait for the inevitable black hole, and/or gash to develop in the fabric of space/time. Have a cup of tea and enjoy the apocalypse.

It's been a good run, reality. I've enjoyed at least some of it. See you on the other side...

29 August 2007

Everyone's favorite horoscope:


14th at Q Street NW, Washington DC.

08 April 2006

aaah, Capitol Hill in the Springtime...


Sometimes, I truly love working 2 blocks north of the Capitol grounds. You take a step outside for a lunchtime walk, and almost immediately hear the roaring static of protesters.

Usually the cause they're shouting about is reasonable, some policy gone horribly wrong, etc... This time, the cause du jour was a bit harder to figure out.

These strange characters were being sheep-dogged around by the Capitol Police while they sang like happy summer campers... They sang, in a charming-yet-grating lack of harmony, and to the tune of "Country Roads", something about how God is killing our troops because he didn't like Brokeback Mountain very much.

I've since discovered they're part of a Topeka-based organization whose evident aim is to spread hopelessness and despair, supported by carefully chosen bible passages. The point seems to be that God has lost patience with our misbehavior. It's too late. He will shake us off like dust mites from a filthy carpet.

Now don't get me wrong; I dig nihilism as much as the next guy... probably a bit more than the next guy. But this interpretation of Christianity seems devoid of even humorous irony (and I dig humorous irony as much as the next guy, etc...)

It's amusing to reflect how we chastise the Iraqi people for their inability to get their religious sects to agree on a new constitution, while back at home, we can't even agree on what a Christian is. The Bible has inspired everything from charity to genocide to "sale-a-thons" at your local Toyota dealership, so what IS this religion Americans seem so intense about? What is a Christian? One of these people?

Now, according to this tiny, bizarre protest, the Christian god is also a movie critic. When he/she/it gets a regular spot on the Post's OpEd page, THEN I might actually subscribe...

29 September 2005

Can't Buy Me Lung...


The sudden loss of one's ATM card causes a mystifying shift of consciousness...the sinking feeling you get when you see the empty spot in the wallet...it's like waking from a surreal daydream and discovering you really HAVE lost a lung...where's the scar? There's no scar...I can still breathe if I'm...careful...

ATM cards are tiny talismans of self-worth. The bank says it'll take about five business days to receive a new one. In the meantime, try to ignore the one-lung thing. Nobody will notice if you...just....act......NORMAL.

While awaiting the arrival of the new card, the coffee machine mocks me.

20 July 2005

Clean Passage


The United States government has introduced a new passport which takes advantage of RFID technology. A tiny, embedded chip provides customs officers with detailed information on its owner's identity, travel history, medical conditions, political preference, reading habits, psychiatric profile, voting history, and a full summary of all "patriot sins of thought or deed" committed since the last breach of national borders. Any time you travel abroad, an update is fed to a database at the DHS, in Washington DC.

This new passport is intended to weed out those with "paranoid delusions" regarding the intentions of The State. With such technology in place, these deviants can be easily apprehended and forced to wear those aluminum helmets that block the thought-purifying rays from the third moon of Stimpy...

ANYWAY: In a desperate attempt to foil their evil schemes, I PROMPTLY machine-washed my passport upon returning home from Alaska. Or should I say...it was discovered in a pocket after doing laundry. Needless to say, the new passport held up beautifully, albeit a bit more tattered than before the vacation. ecch.

What was that about paranoia?

"Paranoia means having all the facts."
--William S. Burroughs