20 May 2007

Lord of the Flies: Bodycount report no.1

We at IntangibleArts HQ have been bombarded with urgent requests for updates, following our deployment of a certain chemical warfare agent last week. Read the back-story here.

The agent was deployed almost exactly one week ago, at 3:35pm on Sunday, 13may07. I expected a bloodbath. I sat in my comfy chair inside, and craned my neck to hear the gasping despair of the newly doomed...

But no such gasping despair came.

None came, in fact, for nearly four days. I checked on The Weapon at 1:15pm on Thursday 17may07, and discovered only three small casualties, and they didn't even appear to be flies. They appeared to be FLEAS, actually. Three tiny bodies with teardrop wings. But where are the accursed Green Bottle-Flies? THEY are the ones whose blood I intended to spill.

The first bottlefly fell sometime during the later afternoon hours that same day. I estimate 4:30, Thursday 17may07.

Perhaps that was the magic bullet, because two more have fallen since then. BUT, in the intoxicating madness that can only be described as The Fog of War, an innocent non-combatant was terminated. A large black spider was discovered in the muck today, alongside the flies and (possible) fleas. Time of death must have been sometime Sunday morning, 20may07.

If we have anything to learn from America's recent military history, it's that innocent blood will always be spilled when the battleground comes home, and tactics turn from conventional fighting to guerilla warfare. That poor spider didn't need to meet this kind of end.

But we must choke back our tears and tighten our boot-laces, for the war is long from over. We're in it to win it, and there must be thirty five billion bottle-flies out there who will soon, swiftly, meet their maker.

Thus far, the rather disappointing bodycount is as follows:
BIGASS SPIDER (noncombatant): 1

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