24 March 2008

He Ascended into Target...


Late afternoon on a brisk Easter Sunday in Columbia Heights, Washington DC: The new Target store closed early today, what with Christ's ascending to Heaven and all.

Of course we didn't realize the store would be closed early (truly, the Messaiah wouldn't have left Earth without tube-socks and Pepsodent), so we arrived to see the carts wandering in a daze, outside the locked doors. The giant, illuminated Target logo stared out over the carts like a huge eye.

Meanwhile, the carts puttered nervously. Wondering what to do. Where to go.

Nobody is here. Nobody is pushing us around, stuffing toasters and throw-pillows and bulk boxes of chicken corn-dogs inside our gaping plastic mouths...

Poor dears. They know nothing of this "ascended Christ" person. They have heard of an "Easter Bunny" though, but have yet to see it, or to experience its healing touch.

Perhaps THAT would be a god more befitting this brave new world of chocolate, diapers, credit cards, and dreams? I've seen him hanging around the bar...at the Wonderland Ballroom... His name is Harvey, I believe...

5 comments:

Evan Herrnstadt said...

It looks like the rapture happened, and everyone got to take their tube socks to heaven.

Anonymous said...

I experienced the same thing on Sunday. I thought it was funny that the signs said "mall closed". I never thought of it as a mall. And I never thought Target would be closed on Easter. Are they kinda conservative? I have heard they don't provide Plan B emergency contraception to women

Reya Mellicker said...

They still make Pepsodent? Wow.

David said...

At the risk of sounding like a church nerd, Easter's about the "resurrected Christ" person. The ascension part came a good bit later. DCUSA should be scanning credit cards like nobody's beeswax on that day.

IntangibleArts said...

Ach, David that's right: My catholic school career ended at 4th grade, and I'll admit I wasn't paying full attention in those days.

But sure enough, there were lots of confused and disappointed big spenders looking in the windows like crazed orphans, waving cash in the air and dreaming of toaster ovens...